Starting Over

I know I haven't been around here much. It bothers me that my blogging has fallen to the side in the face of all the other stuff going on around here. Even I get a kick out of going back and reading through my old posts. It is amazing how much of the little details of life fade from your memory -- I want to keep writing so that I have this to look back on someday!

Since Jeremy has come home, I've been very very happy. However, I've also found myself scrambling around trying to re-organize my life. Things were different when he was gone -- our time consisted of late night phone calls, sleep was dominated by the kids (very bad) sleep habits, dinner was never an event because the kids didn't care what I cooked, exercise was paramount because it helped me deal with the stress, free time was spent doing stuff to pass the time, etc. Now with Jeremy home, I'm having to re-adjust everything. And I'm surprised by how much of my old habits I miss. Some of the stuff is superficial -- like missing my daily dose of NCIS. I haven't watched an episode since he got home. Some of the stuff -- like the exercising -- is really bothering me.

I've put on a little weight since Jeremy got home -- not a lot, but 5 lbs makes your clothes feel a lot less comfortable. And my running has gotten to be pitiful. I used to NEVER take a break to walk while running. Now, I'm lucky to get to my 20 minute limit (self imposed rule -- no breaks until 20 minutes) before I'm obsessing about a break. I used to routinely run for 40 - 60 minutes, without feeling dead spent by the time I finished (no breaks and I usually only came back because I had things to do, not because I was exhausted). Yeah, I'd be happy to get a good 35 - 40 minute run in (without a walking break) right now.

So, this has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. I don't want to obsess about my weight, but I don't feel as good as I did (physically, anyway) 6 months ago. And, quite frankly, I refuse to buy any new clothes to accommodate a bigger rear end! I feel like I've spent most of my life overweight and I don't want to go back to it -- I know age won't make it easier to get the weight off, so I need to stay on top of it now. Additionally, this is the one thing I do just for myself. As a stay at home mom, so much of what I do revolves around my children (which is okay) -- I need to have a little time to exercise my right to be Michelle and not just Mommy a little bit each day!

So, anyway, that is part of the reason I haven't been around here much. I'm juggling and trying to sort out a new routine. I've been getting up (or trying to, anyway) at 5:00, so that I have time to workout (and sometimes even get some chores done), before the kids wake up. Reid has stopped napping recently, though, so this only gives me back the time I used to get during their afternoon naps. I still have to contend with the fact that I have a lot more on my plate than I did while Jeremy was gone (can you believe that? seems backwards, doesn't it?). I actually cook again -- a task that takes a surprising amount of time with three little ones underfoot. And then there are the things that Jeremy & I do together, like the bible study and small group activities we have done with our church. We actually do things on the weekends, so I loose a lot of time there, too.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about Jeremy coming home. I'm much much happier with him here. However, I just need to re-organize and re-prioritize my to-do list, so that I don't feel like I'm constantly missing something (either the big things that are important to me or the little things that add the fun to life). I suppose you could say I'm much like the kids -- I like a predictable routine. So, right now, that is what I'm searching for.